Our Boxes

We exist in boxes; we men and women exist as little dots at the opposite ends of the spectrum that represents the human race.

Females are thought to reside in the comfortable, pink area where tears are the norm, and weakness and sensitivity are the very basis of living. Over here, strength is defined by our ability to sacrifice ourselves for other people, by the measure of how much we can endure even when everything is falling apart. Males, on the other hand reside at the other end, where emotions are banned, where the use of hands is compulsory, where strength is determined by a lack of empathy.

And the saddest part is, there is nothing in between. We believe that no one should or can cross these barriers that we have built around ourselves. Anyone who exists anywhere in the middle is shamed of being unable to identify the role bestowed upon him/her by society.

And so, feeling implicitly pressured, we have all fit quite comfortably into these roles, becoming the unwilling actors in our own lives. I say comfortably, because we feel that there is no other way to be. We have come to live within our boxes, not knowing the world outside, and confining all others to the very same boxes we reside in. We just can’t accept the fact that these walls can be broken down, that they have not always existed. And so, to all those reading this, I tell you one thing. It is time we recognize the shackles with which we are bound, the prison in which we live our wretched lives. Gender roles help nobody; they are nothing but a bane.

To all the men, I say this – the phrase “boys will be boys” is doing nothing but restricting you further. If bullying another, laughing at another’s weakness, and refusing to cry when you’ve lost things you hold dear is called strength, then being a man is no less than a coward with no mind of his own, with no will to rebel against the toxicity of the modern day definition of masculinity.

And we don’t want this twisted idea of masculinity becoming the norm, because this isn’t normal. Every man deserves the chance to be vulnerable, to be man enough to own up to his mistakes and cry as much as it takes to wash the pain away. And yes, being man enough is not about being aggressive and moody all the time, or demeaning women. Let’s redefine what it means to be a man, what it means to be strong and why it is important to let down our defenses sometimes.

So what about the women? We have just as much of a story to tell. We are not a mush of all things sweet and nice. And I would like to understand this. Why does the same word mean two different things for a boy and a girl? Why can’t strength for us be the ability to stand our ground, assert our opinions and put ourselves first? Why must self sacrifice, maturity since a very young age and patience be the attributes that define us? Rather…confine us? Why is anger so distasteful? Why is anger from a boy normal, while the same from a girl, crazy?

Why is “like a girl” such an insult? Because we don’t know any better. Or at least, we haven’t so far. It is time to realize that words don’t change their meaning when we talk about different genders. This is a social construct, and it is about time we destroy this evil we were foolish enough to create. Every woman deserves the right to use her voice without having a label put on her. She deserves to be smart and open about it, love sports and still be referred to as a girl and not as a tomboy, a term we use often to acknowledge women who are like men in certain aspects. THIS is strange because on one hand people can’t tolerate women being outspoken about their views, but will refer to women as tomboys in case they are remotely similar to their idea of who a man is, and their ideas of normal haven’t been shaken badly. Which brings me to the crucial point of ego. These boxes exist now, as a cage whose bars are made stronger by the inflated egos of the others who willingly accept defeat at the hands of society’s manipulative ways.

And I think we are all capable of something much more than simply acting out the scripts we have been handed down. It is important to understand that these words that have so far dictated each move of ours are not etched in stone. We can stop rejecting the feminine, and we must, as addressed aptly by Justin Baldoni in his famous speech, Why I am done trying to be man enough.

I know it hurts to be told to not be the way you want to be simply because your gender doesn’t allow you to feel anything outside the walls you have been placed within since birth. And realizing that you are restricted is the first step to true freedom.

Right now, at this age, at this point in our lives where the real world has only just started to matter, where we are forever influenced by the not-so-ideally-heroic idols that we pace on a pedestal, we need to pause. And think. Don’t we all want to live a little freer? Don’t we all deserve this freedom that surely tastes sweeter than the bitterness of this reality? And I leave you with this thought, hoping that maybe one day, you rewrite your own definition of normal, irrespective of which gender you belong to and allow others the same respect that you deserve.