Understand your privilege
Privilege doesn’t mean that your life hasn’t been hard or that you haven’t had to struggle. It only means that your life hasn’t been hard because of your race, sexual orientation, or gender. It means that there are some things you will never have to experience or even think about because of who you are. Privilege is invisible to those who have it and before proclaiming yourself as an ally, you first need to understand the rights you have that others don’t – that’s a privilege.
Speak up, but not over
It’s important to call out bigotry when you see it happening, but an ally’s job is to support it. Don’t try to explain their oppression to those who are oppressed. Don’t invalidate or minimize the experiences of marginalized communities by speaking over them. You need to understand your privilege and voice to educate people, but make sure you do it in a way that doesn’t speak over the community you’re trying to support.
Know the difference between covert and overt bigotry
Know the difference between covert and overt bigotry and how you may participate in both. Slurs, hate crimes, and insulting jokes are examples of overt bigotry, i.e. socially unacceptable. Micro aggressions, such as “you’re too pretty to be a lesbian,” social exclusion, cultural appropriation, not believing the experiences of marginalized people, etc. are examples of covert bigotry, i.e. socially acceptable. A true ally needs to understand the difference, dismantle these ideas within yourself and how you may participate in them, and educate others on their own bigotry.
Know when you’re being a performative ally rather than a real one
Performative allyship is doing something for showmanship. It’s easy to put up something on your Instagram story about gay rights and feminism, but being an ally is about whether you would do something if you heard a slur being thrown around the room, or whether you’re only there when there’s parading and not when there’s a protest. You have to be there when it’s good, bad, and when work needs to be done.
Don’t expect any rewards for being an ally
Being an ally is about listening and being better. Being an ally doesn’t mean that you’re one of the Good Guys™or that you deserve special recognition. When you say that you’re an Ally™and someone is trying to call you out or criticize what you’re saying, you miss the point of what being an ally means by making it about you, instead of the community you claim to be supporting.
Realize that you will make mistakes
Unlearning problematic things takes time and it’s normal for anyone to slip up. Learn to sit with your discomfort of being unaware of issues. Don’t just make mistakes, learn to make changes. Apologize when you do, nobody’s perfect. So, when you get called out, listen, apologize, change and move on.
Being an ally is a verb
Only saying that you’re an ally is not enough. Occasionally promoting feminist accounts or following queer people is not enough. Being an ally is about critically thinking about your privilege and your ability to support and stand up a community that needs you. It is an active process, a continuous action. It is learning to listen, dismantling inner prejudices, and learning that it is not about you.
Take action, use your voice and be an ally.
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