NO

No does not mean “Convince Me.” It is what it is. There’s no two ways about it. One syllable, yet so many times people don’t understand its weight, its worth. Without a single word out of the girl’s mouth, many assumptions are born. Too many, in fact. All of which make no sense even as they are laid out. But the society that we live in, functions on the bizarre idea that a woman’s gestures and her clothes define her consent way more clearly than her actual words.

A woman’s words cease to matter the moment a man has decided that she provoked him and was "literally asking for it" - because of the clothes she was wearing, the degree to which she was being friendly, and the ease with which she continued to drink in his presence. The male, with his overactive imagination, interprets very normal things, such as those listed above, as indications. With his mind so convinced of something so stupid, her words, that point to nothing but a clear rejection, fall on deaf ears.

To people who believe in this inexplicably weird logic, there is only one response. If it's that easy for a woman's consent to be determined by the clothes she wore and her "general behaviour," then it behooves these very perceptive people to not miss the very obvious terror etched across her unwilling face, the anger, the screaming and the general discomfort she feels all over, even if they are deaf to her NO. It isn't as if women haven't said No, haven't ever expressed dislike for such behaviour. They have. But only if the men are ready to listen, to view the women as equals, will their No ever be heard and understood. Many women get the feeling of being "less than men," in this society that has normalized male supremacy. You see, many place the authority of making decisions about literally everything, including what to do with a woman’s body and mind on a man. When men decide to observe the woman and draw inane conclusions from her attire and whatnot, but don't give twopence about her verbal declaration of rejection, we can clearly see the difference in the power we associate with each. Why draw such twisted conclusions from ordinary things? Why not simply listen?

The main problem here is our perception of women. A media influenced perception of women. Wherein a majority of romantic movies in Bollywood and Hollywood that many swoon over consist of a creepy stalker who follows a woman around like it’s the most normal thing to do. She somehow loves the attention, pretends to be annoyed for a while but eventually yields. And this problem is very well dealt with even in a classic, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen. Mr. Collins, a distant cousin of our main character’s father proposes to Elizabeth Bennett. When she very clearly turns him down, he says quite proudly that he knows the way of women. “Your refusal is, merely a natural delicacy.” It is of no importance what happens next in the story, but she was disgusted at the attitude of this man who gave her no chance to reject his proposal. As a society we must be extraordinarily dim-witted if we believe that behind the No of a woman is “pursue me more, I love it when you treat me like an object.”

This problem was recognized as far back as the Victorian Era, so you might have expected for a significant amount of change to have taken place. And you wouldn’t be wrong in saying that things have changed. But the pace is slow and the issue that Jane Austen had identified back then still persists. Kabir Singh, a blockbuster film portrays the problem so clearly as love and affection that it’s nauseating. A medical student picks a random girl off campus and decides that she was going to “be his.” Did he ask her? Of course not. He controls her every action and even monitors the people she talks to. Somehow, she still clings to him. He slaps her for no reason, and she thinks it’s love. When the director of the film is questioned, he says, “if you can’t do whatever you want with “your woman,” then I can see no love there.” I can’t seem to understand how such overt misogyny and a “romance” so forced by Kabir onto “his woman” (I cannot get over this) who he practically treats as his personal toy was loved by the public so much.

The problem with movies is, they don’t portray either sex properly. The dominating, misogynistic, dead drunk, completely messed up in body, mind and spirit is the cool hero of our films. Men in our society look up to these roles as the way to be. And women are portrayed as motherly, kind, loving, self sacrificial, submissive, and have this strange attitude of “I alone can change him.” Which somehow justifies all the nonsense he did do, since she ends up changing him towards the end.

Unfortunately, some women might end up believing that men indeed are superior beings. Not just that, the belief that it is up to them to go through hell to keep the men happy is also a crazy idea they harbour. Some might even end up cowering in fear at what will happen to them considering popular content. Or, they end up fighting and crying themselves hoarse, hoping they’re heard, only to be labelled something else, our fight all in vain. Or, something can change. If we are one in a few who stand up and protest, there's a high chance our voices will be drowned by the more prevalent misogyny. However, that doesn't mean we let that stop us. It needs to start with whoever amongst you cares, and you need to know that you too matter. After all, A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. We don’t need to “let” the women be heard. We just need to listen.

Remember, “It’s not consent if you make me afraid to say no.”